“It turns out a lot of the Cubs’ best players just weren’t at the first game but showed up for this one,” said Skipper Kristen Sora. “Unfortunately a bunch of our worst players also showed up.”
IOF Crushed by Commerce Department
Softball. Image by Amanda Powers from Pixabay
“It turns out a lot of the Cubs’ best players just weren’t at the first game but showed up for this one,” said Skipper Kristen Sora. “Unfortunately a bunch of our worst players also showed up.”
“Hey, don’t say that,” said the IOF’s favorite sportswriter, player, not co-captain, Jake Lerner (2-2 on the day), “some of the Cubs’ best players were also at the first game.”
The game got off to a disastrous start as IOF gave up 5 runs in the top of the first, hurt by multiple fielding errors. Second baseman Anna McLaskey, still reeling from a pregame squid-blender incident (we’ve all been there), had as much trouble catching popups as she’s had catching forage fish.
The Reefs got a run back in the bottom of the first but fell further behind in the second after a collision at home plate left catcher Taryn Scarff “ace” in the dirt and a Cubs run on the board. That play started one of many testy exchanges between the two ball clubs.
“It always gets chippy with this team” said infielder Elliot “the ol’ switcher” Roocroft, “I find the best approach is just to keep your mouth shut unless you have something really important to say, like, for example, if you got reviews back on a manuscript…”
The game got away from the Reefs as the offense put on their best impression of the AERL 2nd floor on a Friday and barely showed up. The list of offensive woes was longer (and arguably more relatable) than the list of complaints at an IOF Student-Director Forum: Predicted ringer “Saving” Grace Melchers showed that volleyball skills don’t translate to real sports by going 0-2 on the day. Playing in rolled up pants and also struggling to hit was Grace’s lab mate and fellow eDNA apologist Loic “Capri Sun” Jacquemot. Even last week’s MVP David Stretton struck out looking on a Kristen Sora fastball.
Down 12-3 as the innings dwindled, IOF got a late spark from the bottom of the line-up. Shiao, Zoe Zeng and “Somebody” Elsa Camins got on base in quick succession, driving in a run in the process. This, and energy provided by new Bio-Med pick up “Kenan &” Keely Maki kept the Reefs hopes alive as the score narrowed to 12-6 in the later innings. Unfortunately, like two years of work on an IOF masters degree, it wasn’t enough to finish. The rally came up short and the Reefs fell to 1-3 on the season.
There were some bright spots on the day. Logan “Atomic” Wedgewood showed that his years of playing varsity baseball were not wasted by pitching four of the best innings of slowpitch softball ever tossed this side of Alma, and “Hitless” Haley Oleynik shed the sobriquet by notching her first hit of the season.
Cleaning up after the frustrating loss, Dana Price collected three “soda” cans discretely left on the Reef’s bench near where Haley “one hit wonder” Oleynik had been sitting. The Reef’s catcher was not satisfied with the haul, stating “If I don’t get 140 more cans, or 7 whole Canadian dollars, Solana Pasqual says she’s going to kill Quatse the sea otter.”
Come check out the Reefs try to save the season next week at 6:00PM against the Chemistry Beerettes.