Reefs Fall Off the Map

IOF Defeated by Geography Department 15-3

The IOF Keanu Reefs, following a win last week, looked to extend their one game winning streak Thursday night against a Geography Department team reconstituted and renamed after a 2-year hiatus. Unfortunately, unlike last week where the ‘win’ was due to a no-show forfeit from the Chemistry Beerettes, the Geography Department showed up.

Spirits were high before the game with the return of fan-favourite utility player Adam “Hixie Sticks” Hicks, able to play on day-release from his thesis writing sentence. Also playing in their first game of the season was “All” Haley Oleynik, back from a four week barn-storming stint in the USA’s Select Softshell Softball Circuit and just about as productive in yesterday’s game as she was for the three she missed.

Serving as the home team, the IOF put together a shutout top of the first inning. There were several line drives hit to left field where Sarah “tonine” Hyntka fielded them and displayed a strong arm to keep runners from getting extra bases, her arm strength no doubt a result of her extensive offseason workout routine pushing members of her lab to be more social.

Bench coach Roshni Mangar got the line-up organized for the offence at the bottom of the first. Down in order went “Jake, don’t give me a stupid nickname or” Elsa Martinez, Izzy “Top” Morgante and Cody Takahasi.

Things went south in the second inning when Geography drove in 5 runs due to a litany of fielding errors. Commenting after the game, Skipper Kristen Sora was not happy “We had too many errors, our defence was such trash Gabriel Reygondeau almost graded it for FISH 500.”

In the bottom of the second Andreas Novotny, back from a fun camping trip, forgot that ‘leave no trace’ is not supposed to extend to his play in softball games and grounded out in the infield. The IOF offence sputtered through the following innings with few hits.

A frustrated “All Star” Anna McLaskey was disappointed with the lack of runs, “We’re at sub-tropical gyre levels of production but I know this can be an eastern boundary upwelling system level of the team.”

When the IOF did get hits, they were quickly squashed. In the bottom of the 5th “Where have you” Benia Novak tried to spark the team with a line drive to centre field, but it was plucked out of the air by the Geography defence.

Not even the late arrival of Logan “over the” Wedgewood couldn’t rally the Reefs and they continued to lose ground to Geography until the game was called with IOF down 15-3.

A bright spot on the day was that it was one year anniversary of “Irrecusable” Iria Garcia Lorenzo’s softball-induced concussion. “I don’t regret the accident, no” Iria said later, “the brain injury actually made it a lot easier to understand Fisheries Game Theory.”

The Reefs are now 2-2 and will try again next week when they play Microsoftballogy at 5:30PM.